being right?

Words from Tai ji Granny.

I witnessed throughout the years of marriage that when poverty knocks on the door, love may struggle, but it endures. So, too when death comes through the windows, and disease and pain rattle the roof tiles. Even when the wind of change uproots one, love survives.

The Death knell  to a marriage is the moment one party decides, “I am Right and you are Wrong!” and it is more important to be Right, than to be love. In such a case a power struggle follows to the bitter end. Damage comes speedily in sharp lethal stabs  wounding the warriors and destroying the marriage. It is over,  no winners only losers. Love returns to its source.

When the dust settles on the battlefield, and the casualties have been removed. Empty, without Love’s presence,  the self righteous one stands alone, and all that remains is his/her right to be Right.

Love weeps.

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Reflections upon a life





These are the days of long drawn out hours. The twilight zone of exile from my previous life, as wife, mother and homemaker.

Rendered redundant by the  sword thrust of divorce; after thirty seven years of marriage.

There is a new word for the latest trend; the Grey Divorce. It seems that more couples over the age of 60 get divorced than in previous years.

The Ex fell blindly in lust with another woman and impolitely got rid of me, divorced me within a year.

Overnight I was left entirely on my own in our home on a farm. He packed his stuff and left me with the two dogs. My adult children have their own lives with families and obligations. Family and friends looked on. They did what they could to support me. The reality was that by sudden divorce I was plummeted into life as a single woman.

He promised to “take care of me”. He has done so in his way. Since I am over sixty, he had to provide for my retirement.

Within a few months of negotiation and sessions with the Attorney the Consent Paper was drawn up and signed. Divorce by order of the Court was declared. I “got the House” we owned in town. I moved here to begin my much altered life as a Divorcee!

The first thing I did was hire builders to renovate the house. Then I rolled up my sleeves and planted a garden. I redistributed the existing plants into different beds. My gardening was an  inspired Act of Defiance. I employ a Garden service to help with the heavy landscaping work.

In the past  lived under the  control of my Ex.  One of his statements about me was, ” Dianne refuses to grow anything”

We have lived in Farm houses on beautiful farms all our married life. The gardens were huge and unruly. Unfortunately he expected me to work miracles with a spade and a trowel without regular help from a gardener. I gave up.

Now I have the freedom,  to plant, dig, acquire plants and flowers. I have created a heaven for myself and others where we may  enjoy,  play, dance, read, and contemplate.

I have time to be silent, to get to know myself,  pursue my passion, the Internal Martial Arts, Gyrotonics, to study and to watch the garden grow. and to heal.

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